By Ismail Ahmed Alhashmi
In our life we come across many such resources (including websites, divorce experts/attorneys etc) that are working to safeguard marriages and provide ways and means to educate people in-order to have a happy life and stay married forever. On the other hand also there are found organizations, institutions and experts who would do their best efforts to provide happiness to people by drawing them out of miserable marital life they are experiencing for whatsoever reason may be and that’s through divorce.
Well people on both these extremes are doing their part of work in promoting harmony, love and peace amongst people. Some focus on resolving the issues that arises in marital life while others focal point is to show people how divorce can bring an end to miserable relationship letting people breathe freely after they get divorced. But very wisely said it is always better to work on the cause rather than looking at the effect. Therefore we should think on finding the roots of the problems that more often than not occur in marriage and if can not be eradicated at least we can try to avoid them from happening after marriage.
As far the matter of divorce is concerned, The United States of America has the highest divorce rate of 3.8 divorces of 7.5 marriages per 1,000 people.
If we can not save many marriages, although many are making their utmost efforts to preserve it, at least we can try to identify the reason and grounds that become causes of divorce in most of the cases.
Every state of The United States has defined a set of reasons of divorce on the basis of which divorce may be granted. In most cases, the causes of divorce are complex and are specific to a couple’s relationship, their troubles, and their own life experiences. Many people have cited “irreconcilable differences,” “irretrievable breakdown,” or “incompatibility” as major causes of divorce in different locations. The most commonly stem from one specific issue that is compounded by a lack of commitment to the marriage and having a poor or bad communication in between each other. There are other common causes of divorce that include money, infidelity, and career choices.
Marriage experts agree to the fact that communication problems are the root causes of divorce and they further lead and give birth to other as well. Because when two people lack communication, they are unable to solve problems that may occur in the marriage. Many married couples think that the minor problems that occur in their marriage, are insignificant, and are not worth talking about; however, they fail to realize that even the smallest things can cause conflict between the two when they are not able to solve them through communication. Many couples lack communication when it comes to making decisions about shared finances. And here money also become of the reason of divorce. Many people say money is the root of evil; the disagreement in a decision shown by one spouse can bring a drastic effect on the marriage.
With this connection when there are mismatch in the decisions made in financial matters, the support provided for children by both the parents weakens a lot. It results in poor child care, poor or no education and every other node of the chain. Eventually children become apple of discord between parents which jeopardizes the marriage. When one of the parents is closely related to children and the other is not able to provide attention, the relation takes another extreme turn and that is affairs (whether emotional infidelity or extramarital sex i.e. adultery) and which is becoming a very common cause and reason of divorce today.
As time passes by a spouse then finds warmth and affection from outside the relationship. Consequently starts cheating on the other and affairs tend to start. The outsider (to the marital relationship) then gradually starts filling hatred in your heart against your spouse. It truly fulfills no purpose, and can only aid in destroying what is left of the couple’s marriage.
Therefore, divorce, no matter whatsoever the reason is, is never as easy as it is conceived. Whether a couple’s decision to divorce is for the good or bad, it is certain there are many affect that it has on the couple’s individual lives. The major causes of divorce so far clearly identified could be communication problems, lack of commitments, children support, money, affair and adultery.